PROCRASTINATION - When Inner Conflict stops us

Procrastination often appears when we force ourselves to do something, whether consciously or unconsciously.

This self-imposed pressure can take two forms: active and passive. In the active form, we tell ourselves, “I must,” “I have to,” or “I should.” We push, control, and demand. In the passive form, it sounds like, “I’m being made to,” or “I have no choice,” as if some invisible authority is pulling the strings. But the mechanism behind both is the same: an inner struggle between the part of us that forces and the part that resists.

Procrastination is not a laziness - it is a psychological strategy that gives a sense of control where a person once felt powerless.

This pattern is born in childhood. At some point, there was really someone outside of us who held power—a parent, a teacher, an authority figure. They wanted us to do something that made sense to them, but not necessarily to us. A mother might say, “You must study,” while the child wants to play, run, or explore. When reasoning doesn’t work, adults often resort to fear, guilt, or shame: “You’ll never succeed,” “You’ll be punished,” or “No cartoons for you.” The child learns that if direct refusal isn’t possible, delaying is an option. Forgetting the notebook, “accidentally” losing the pen, or suddenly feeling tired or unwell becomes a quiet rebellion that protects inner freedom—and this is where procrastination begins.

Over time, this pattern becomes an internalized model. As adults, we often play both roles ourselves—the one who demands and the one who avoids. One part says, “You must succeed, be productive, stay in control,” while the other whispers, “I don’t want to, I can’t, leave me alone.” The more we push, the stronger the resistance grows. This creates cycles of pressure and collapse, control and avoidance. We plan to start a project but find ourselves scrolling aimlessly; we promise to eat healthy but end up overeating; we tell ourselves to “get it together” and feel guilty when we don’t.

At the root of procrastination lies self-coercion—the habit of forcing ourselves to act against our inner will. Often, it is not laziness but fear: fear of failure, rejection, or not being good enough. Even when we consciously want success, another part of us may associate it with stress, loss, or pain, prompting delay—not because we don’t care, but because we are trying to protect ourselves.

Breaking the cycle requires more than discipline or control—it requires inner reconciliation. We need to listen to both sides: the part that wants to achieve and the part that avoids. Both have a reason to exist. The pushing part wants growth, progress, and recognition, while the avoiding part seeks peace, safety, and authenticity. When they begin to understand each other, energy naturally returns.

Inside every “I must” is a hidden need or desire. The key is to uncover it by asking: What do I truly want beneath this “should”? What need am I trying to meet? Is there a gentler, kinder way to get there? When our actions align with our deep values and authentic meaning, motivation arises naturally. As Viktor Frankl wrote, meaning gives us the strength to endure almost anything. Acting from meaning, rather than obligation, dissolves the power of procrastination.

Pay attention to the quality of the process. When you say, “I have to,” pause and notice your body: are you tense, anxious, or tired? This may be the first signal that procrastination is beginning. Instead of ignoring it, bring awareness and curiosity: What do I feel? What do I need right now? Energy does not come solely from goals—it also comes from pleasure, inspiration, and joy. Ask yourself: Can I design this process so it energizes me rather than drains me?

The secret is that when the process itself becomes rewarding—when learning, exploring, or creating brings joy—procrastination loses its power. We stop fighting with ourselves and begin cooperating. From that place, life moves forward naturally, with clarity, energy, and purpose.